Top 5 Things nobody told me the first year of fatherhood: Version 1.0

Posted on January 16, 2015 by firsttimedadpdx

My wife and I took every newborn course available before our beautiful baby boy was born.  If it the class was available, we took it.  Birthing class, lactation class, CPR class, etc etc.  The classes went along great with the volumes upon volumes of information given to us and that we found on our own, and you know what we conclusion we came to……None of that matters!

DSC01294What we learned from all of those classes and reading material is that nothing prepares you more for having a newborn than having a newborn.  The learning curve looked like a roller coaster, some days we felt like fish out of water and some days we felt like “hey, we got this.”

That being said, here are the 5 things no class, no family member, no reading material, prepared me for during the first year with our newborn.  Note, I titled this as Version 1.0 because we understand that we probably haven’t seen anything yet.

1)  You may, scratch that, you will have to take your sick baby’s temperature rectally:

What the what, I know!  My son was recently sick so my wife and I took turns staying home with him.  Before she left for work she casually drops the bomb saying “don’t forget to wash the thermometer after you check his temp.”  Fully appreciating her cleanliness, I paused.  She noticed my pause and said, “rectally.”  I replied, “ok,” wondering where and when did I miss this tad bit of information during any of our classes.

2)  In relation to No. 1, you will be getting sick every month after your baby goes to daycare:

We were fortunate enough to plan our maternity/paternity time off sot that we could spend the first 4.5 months home with our son, best time of our lifes.  What I didn’t know is that daycares are a viral jungle of contagion.  I may sound bitter, but before we had a baby I would rarely get sick.  Maybe once a year I would catch a 24-48 cold and that’s it.  I have been sick every month since our son started to daycare.  Dads, wash your hands as much as possible, drink lots of fluid, and save your vacation days/p.t.o. for sick days, you’ll need them.

3)  That the smell of newborn poop is like that of sweet yogurt, then after 6 months they begin to fart and burn the senses out of your nose:

Nobody ever told me that my son would rival a college dorm room or high school locker room when it came to his bowel movements.  At first you think “oh, how sweet, his poop doesn’t smell bad, it smells sweet.”  Then the cannon from below fires and you wonder if you baby is a grown man after a chili cook off, in a baby’s body.

4)  You will get pooped on:

Now I understood before he was born that our kid might pee on you now and then.  Nobody EVER told me that he would violate you with poop rockets from his hellfire missile bottom.

5)  You may not shower for days, and who cares:

One morning I headed out to get groceries.  While I sat in the car I smelled a combination of rotten milk, urine, onions, and sweaty gym clothes.  I realized it was me.  Before I headed into the store I stopped and calculated that it had been 3 days since I last showered and that the shirt I was wearing had not left my body for the past 2 days.  I am gross and I don’t care.  Before having a baby, I liked to think of myself as a tidy person,  I would often see people out and about and wonder if they looked in the mirror before they left.  No, they didn’t because now I realize that they were probably parents of a newborn.

So in sum, I don’t care if my shorts have paint marks on them and that my t-shirt has holes in them, or that I have lint in my hair and that I smell like I’ve been camping for 2 weeks, or that I may have poop on my arm, or that I am coughing in the check out line…..I’m a first time dad.

Stay tuned for Version 2.0!

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

My first holiday with a son…..

Posted on January 5, 2015 by firsttimedadpdx

Wrapping up 2014 and realized that it’s been a very long time since my last post, and I blame it all on the first year with my son!

FP_Washington Squ_20141213_000015Recently my dad retired from 57 years in the aviation industry.  After receiving awards from Congress and being showered with praise from his colleagues, I was most touched by his farewell speeches.  He’s not a fisherman of compliments and never brags, though he has the life resume to do so.  It was a comment he made that really made me understand the sacrifices he made as a father and husband to better the lives of the people he cared for most.  In not so many words, he said that everything he did, he did for his family.

We moved often when I was a kid.  At the time I didn’t understand why and thought that most families must move often, since we did.  I now understand why.  After meeting my wife and her then 10 year old daughter, I became a family man.  I no longer could make decision without thinking of how they would affect other people, like my new family.

When I first met my step daughter, I thought “hey, this dad thing is kind of cool.”  I experienced what it was like for someone to look to you, ask you, and often mimic you about making decisions, how to act, what to say, what was cool, definitely what wasn’t cool (I think I may have embarrassed her a time or two), and generally how to grow up.  Little does she know that she taught me a lot about being a father, which came in very handy this year when my first son was born.

I was never really big on Christmas, not for any particular reason, but Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday of the year.  The last few years that sentiment changed and that’s all credited to my wife and my step daughter.  This year my sentiment changed and exploded!  I mean, come on, I’m watching Christmas specials on LifeTime Network, cooking dinners with Christmas music on (and I mean the cheesy xmas songs), putting up xmas lights in the pouring rain at night, having gingerbread house competitions, and wondering if I never gave Santa the chance he deserves.

Christmas, like love, isn’t about what it does for you but rather what you do for others.  I realized that my step daughter, and now my son, opened up my jolly ol’ St. Nick heart and now and forever Christmas will be the most wonderful time of the year.  So my fellow first time dads, or anyone else out there, it’s ok to feel sappy.  Trust me, it’s only just begun!

Posted in children, dad, first time dad, kids, son | Leave a comment

3 baby inventions for the first week of baby life…. the Baby is here!

Posted on April 21, 2014 by firsttimedadpdx

It’s our first week of baby life, for the rest of our lives.

20140418_163033_Android

Our son, Mak, was born on 4/14, a little earlier than expected, but full of joy and in good health.  Both wife and I thought we had a few more weeks to get mentally ready for Baby Mak to join us on the outside, but like most plans in life, things change.   The nursery was done last month, baby clothes filled the closet, car seats installed, emergency plans talked about, and so on and so on.

With all the plans in place, nothing can prepare you for the first week of a newborn life, except for going through a first week with a newborn.  Childbirth and newborns are now certified in my Book of Everything as the most miraculous phenomenon in the universe, and beyond.  Even though Mak is only 1 week old, we can see the differences in his physical appearance and his personality from day 1 to present day, and both that are stunning and beautiful.

5 days old

Most family and friends joked “get ready to never sleep,” which I thought was tongue-in-cheek, until this first week.  I love Mak to death and would jump into a burning fire, jump off a cliff, stand in front of a bullet for him if it meant saving him, so it makes having no sleep in exchange for being his dad worth every minute of insomnia.  Not to mention that the insomnia is helping my chances for landing a role on The Walking Dead.

My wife deserves a mention (actually she deserves a crown, trophy, award) for basically being a super star while not sleeping at all this first week.  She doesn’t complain one bit, and she’s getting 15 minute naps throughout the night while I’m getting 1-2 hour naps.  I help in any way I can when Mak wakes up in the middle of the night, but only she can provide him what he needs, if you know what I mean……

The 2:00 a.m. work night wake up sessions have come as a pseudo gifts.  I find myself doing most of my “I wonder what Mak is going to be like” future thoughts, which have turned out to be pretty funny and entertaining.  One of my future thoughts had me wondering what we would think if Mak moved to France and enrolled in a mime school, and I thought hey, at least we could visit France to see him.

During those future thoughts midnight sessions I’ve also thought about inventions that would make the first week of newborn life easier.  So without fear of someone stealing my highly technical, well thought out, realistic and logical product ideas, I am going to share them here, with my sales pitch:

1)  “The Silence Stick”:  Ever had a crying newborn that doesn’t have a dirty diaper, isn’t cold, isn’t hungry, isn’t tired, but is simply crying his heart out, then simply tap him with the Silence Stick and all his cries disappear, just like that!

2)  “The Wardrobe Sensor”:  Ever had a newborn you were so excited to dress up in that one special outfit you thought was so cute and fancy to only have them vomit on it and possibly shart?”  Well, just attach the Wardrobe Sensor on the clothes you intend to use and the sensor will tell you if the baby intends to vomit or shart on that outfit BEFORE you even put it on him, bam!

3) “Diaper Whodini Clapper”:  It’s 3:30 a.m., your legs wont let you leave the bed and you know the sun is coming up in a few hours.  The baby starts crying and you know he’s not hungry since you fed him about 30 minutes ago.  30 minutes ago? You know what that means, poop in da diaper time, aka the doodootrain.  You know this before you even need to check but instead of zombie walking to change his diaper you just simply “CLAP, CLAP” and the Whodini Clapper changes and cleans your baby, ka-pow!

I know, I know, why I am sharing my million dollar inventions with the world, because like many of you, being a first time dad isn’t all about the money, it’s about the love and dreams a newborns create…………………………………………….(unless you have some extra money lying around and want to donate to the Baby Mak college and/or diaper fund……they’re both about the same price!)

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What, wait, babies breast feed 5-8 hours a day… A DAY!

Posted on March 26, 2014 by firsttimedadpdx

What, wait, babies breast feed 5-8 hours a day… A DAY!

breastfeeding-meme

I am realizing that my baby-knowledge learning curve has barely got my wheels turning! Time to fasten my seatbelt because it’s about to get real……and real soon. We’re five weeks away from our due date, and like that, POOF, eight months just passed us on by….

Being a first time dad awaiting his first newborn has been exciting, fun, emotional, inspiring, motivating, hilarious, but until just recently it’s becoming fearful and the nerves are settling in. I thought I knew everything I needed to know and was walking tall with an “I got this” attitude, who was I kidding! This last month it has finally set in that the human, who has been renting space in my wife’s uterus for the past eight months, will be moving out into the real world and depending on us 24-7…..365….for the rest of his/her life.

Thanks to my wonderful wife (yes, she still reads my posts), we are signed up for semester-like schedule of classes, such as childbirth preparation workshops, a breastfeeding preparation class, infant CPR class, and newborn care classes. I’ve also turned my night stand into a mini fatherhood-for-dummies library of books from friends and family.

DSC01294

In one particular class, our breastfeeding preparation class, I spent the entire class with the “my mind is blown face.” Are you kidding me, babies’ breastfeed five to eight hours a day, not a week? If I had any semblance of a poker face during that class, they caught, called, and double downed on my bluff that I knew what I was doing as a first time dad. A DAY! In that same class, I learned so much more about the first week of our baby’s life that I thought I would share some of the interesting facts about babies. I only listed a few of the fun and interesting facts I’ve collected on my journey. I made it a point to steer away from giving opinions on how to raise your newborn, since those are all up to you and your partner and not my business. So remember, these are just the fun facts, the whole fun facts, and nothing but the fun facts.

1) As you already know, babies breast feed five to eight times a day, and should breast feed for the first year of their life.
2) During breast feeding, breast milk is not produced from the food the mothers eat but rather from the blood of the mom. So if mom eats asparagus you won’t have to worry about the baby’s pee smelling bad, just moms.
3) Moms can have alcohol during breastfeeding as long as it metabolizes out of the system, in the same way if you were to drive car. Takes one hour to metabolize one drink. All the women in our breast feeding class loved hearing that, so did the husbands.
4) Babies will use an average of 10 diapers per day. I am preparing myself for this one. 300 diapers per month, we may have to upgrade our garbage service.
5) The newborn’s brain still grows after it’s born which is why the skull is made up of several interlocking pieces. So don’t be alarmed if the baby looks like a member of the Conehead family, she is just setting up her super computer.
6) Babies sleep about 16-17 hours per day, about 2-4 hours at a time, roughly. So start practicing napping. I am entirely confident in my napping skills.
7) Babies are born without kneecaps, but rather have cartilage that supports the leg. So if the mob comes looking to knock your baby knee caps out, good luck, capisce!
8) Couvade, aka sympathetic pregnancy, is a real thing! I used to tell me wife that I feel pregnant as well, until she gave me that “I could be a single mom” foreshadowing look, never again will I say those words again. But weight gain, food cravings, exhaustion, etc. for partners is real. But never, ever, ever, ever, say to your partner “I know how you feel.” That couch will be entirely too familiar to you if you do.
9) There’s an important second stage to child birth, the birthing of the placenta and fetal membranes that occurs right after the baby comes out, and sometimes they have to go in there to get it. So you’re not done yet!

And for my last fun fact……………

10) A male fetus can get erections in the womb. Enough said, mind….blown.

We really don’t know what we are doing in life but like many things in life, almost everything, we figure it out. So I’ve told myself not to worry, everyone is going to have an opinion on what’s wrong and what’s right, but to do what my wife and I think is right and the best for the baby. I feel like I’ve learned more about babies in the past couple weeks compared to the past eight months, in fact, add my entire life into that. But the most important lesson that I’ve learned over the past 8 months is that I don’t know anything and that there is nothing that can prepare you in advance to being a first time dad except for being a first time dad.

-D

PS—check back soon to see how the delivery went and what other interesting facts I learned along the way.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

“Bye bye, Jordans….hello Baby Taye’s nursery!”

Posted on February 3, 2014 by firsttimedadpdx

Making room for the nursery, so the shoes gotta go!

Making room for the nursery, so the shoes gotta go!

Once my wife and I announced to the world that Baby Taye was indeed “coming to a crib near you” we started our first major project……the nursery! dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn

The spare room in our three-bedroom house had evolved into our “just put it in the spare room” room. I’ve dubbed it The Spare. We had always envisioned the spare to be a dignified office or a fun loving play room, but in reality it was the room that had the most random items in it. You would find our fish tank, my Jordan collection, an ironing board, wedding decorations from a year ago, toys for when we baby sat our friend’s kids, a fake dog that looked eerily real, and did I mention my Jordans…

During my days of being single I’ll admit that my financial decision didn’t always have the future in mind. When I would come into some extra cash I would dig through my contacts list to see who I knew that still worked at Nike to score an employee-store pass, or as local PDX sneaker heads call it an “NES pass.” Did I really need the Air Jordan Retro 1’s in 3 different colors? No, but they sure did look good on my feet! I roughly had about 40-50 pair of shoes that took up most of the space in the spare. This did not include the roughly 30-40 pair of shoes in the attic that I don’t wear anymore, but continue to procrastinate on donating.

Since meeting my wonderful, beautiful, smart, caring, loving, and understanding wife (she will most likely read this post), my priorities have changed and I have tamed my addiction for kicks. Sure, on my birthday I got a new pair of J’s (ok can’t lie, got 2 new pair of identical Jordans in different colors) but hey, it was my birthday. Now that I am older, I’m embarrassed by the amount of shoes I have. I’ve seen poverty home and around the world, and fell absurdly glutinous. Some have never been worn, and some I have multiple colors in. So the Jordans are getting evicted and now it’s time to restore and build the spare into the nursery my wife have always dreamed of.

I went to Home Depot, about the 3rd time that week, and bought 5 large plastic tubs to put my shoes in and store in the garage, basically to bury them with a shoe funeral. If shoes can cry, they would. During this burial ceremony I thought I would be sad, but I was excited! Little did my wife know or realize, or me for that fact, that I was EXCITED to get rid of those shoes to make way for the best and most precious thing life has given me yet, a baby!

Packing up those shoes was a pseudo passing of the fatherly torch, the first step into getting my mind and choices into thinking completely and 100% for someone else. I don’t care if I ever buy another pair of Jordans again, if it meant that our baby gets the best start at life he or she can. I know this step sounds like a no brainer for people, but to actually go through it is a pretty amazing chapter of life to experience. Every day I think of what we can do to get ready for the baby, but for now its bye bye Jordans, and hello Baby Taye!

(On a side note, the nursery is coming along great and we couldn’t be more happier about it. Check back soon to see the before & after pics, and “fun” stories of our experience)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My first post

Posted on December 4, 2013 by firsttimedadpdx

My very first post! 

“I’m a first time dad and what do I do know!?!?!”  If all you first time dad’s haven’t thought this to yourself then get ready for a reality check.  

My wife and I were married in January of this year and the first, and almost only, question we got before, during, and after the wedding was “when are you going to have babies!!??!!??!!” If I had a dollar for every time this was asked then we wouldn’t have to worry about starting a college fund.  

During the months before our wedding, my wife and I always spent late nights dreaming of a little one running around.  My wife already experienced the joy of having her daughter, my step daughter, Amelia before we met.  My wife ending up becoming my mentor for all things pregnancy and baby related, and not because of age but just because of experience (she might read this blog so I have to keep it real).  She was my sounding board for all the questions I had, from the very rookie questions like “can pregnant women still have sex” to serious questions like “what kind of tests can we have to make sure we can still have kids.”  I had so many questions that I knew I was starting to either making her think I was born yesterday or annoying the heck out of her, so I decided to do a lot of the research on my own, and let me tell you that I had NO idea what I had in store.  This is why I created my “I’m a first time dad” blog, to help you other first time dads with some tips I learned and am learning along the way. Each week I will try and focus on one thing that I learned or tips I found out about during the different stages of our pregnancy adventure, all the way from fertility testing to what kind of finishing-sander to buy when refinishing old furniture for the baby room.  Hope you enjoy and congrats, LET’s DO THIS!!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment